He Said YOLO

......like not sarcastically, actually said it like he thought it was cool.

How to Let Go of Past Relationships

Let Go Of Past Relationships (from http://tinybuddha.com/blog/40-ways-to-let-go-and-feel-less-pain/)

21. Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure.

22. Write everything you want to express in a letter. Even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings will help you come to terms with reality as it is now.

23. Remember both the good and the bad. Even if appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. As Laura Oliver says, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.”

24. Un-romanticize the way you view love. Of course you’ll feel devastated if you believe you lost your soul mate. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again it will be easier to move on.

25. Visualize an empowered single you—the person you were before meeting your last love. That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again.

26. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder.

27. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head out with friends after putting all her things in a box.

28. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Loving myself means letting go.”

29. Replace your emotional thoughts with facts. When you think, “I’ll never feel loved again!” don’t resist that feeling. Instead, move on to another thought, like “I learned a new song for karaoke tonight.”

30. Use the silly voice technique. According to Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, swapping the voice in your head with a cartoon voice will help take back power from the troubling thought.

My Mind Won't Stop Racing

I can't stop thinking the same thoughts over and over, and it is so exhausting. 


Maybe writing them down will help.


Mostly these are things I want to ask Ricky but know I shouldn't.  I shouldn't because the answer doesn't change the reality of the situation.  And I'm not sure knowing the answers would make me feel any better.


1. Do you really think your life will be better without me in it?
2. Was I too available?  You did fall in love with me when you were chasing me so maybe once you had me you didn't even want me.....
3. Did you have us buy the car together because you knew you were going to break up with me but needed my name to get the loan?
4. Do you really think there's anyone out there who will be a better girlfriend to you than I was? You are a difficult person to love, your mother told me that the first time I met her.
5. Why did you waste my time?
6. Last week, when you knew we were going to break up and I woke you up sobbing because I was scared you were going to leave me...you assured me everything was fine.  You told me you loved me and that we would be together. Why??
7. How could you be so fucking cruel?

Keep Adding to the List of Reasons Why You're Glad He's Gone

1. LAZY - how did I forget this originally????? So lazy.

Day 1: No Contact

"To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping."

I lost it last night.  It started out innocently enough - trying to resolve our finances and the situation with our puppy that we adopted together.


And I lost it.


I said all the things I wanted to say to him - how he was so cruel, so heartless, how the problems weren't with me but with him.


Strangely, I felt better.  Like a HUGE weight had been lifted from my chest.  He may have ended it, but I had the last word.


Now I need to give myself 60 days of no contact with him.  Today is day 1.  You can get away with that profanity spewing verbal rampage once (I think) but you can't do it again.


So today is yours.  One step at a time.  Don't think about the 59 days that lie in front of you, just make it through today.

Learn How to Lock it Up

So you messed up royally tonight. You went crazy and sent a series of seriously nasty texts. Should you feel bad? Probably. Do you? No.


So you got your last say, go to say your big f*** you and now it's time to lock it up.


Don't text him. No contact for 60 days. And if you mess up? Start the 60 all over. This starts tomorrow. No talking until August 12, 2012. You can do this.

Don't Email Him

Just DON'T do it.  Even if it starts out all "business" eventually the emotion will come out and you will both say things and it will HURT.  Every bit of progress you've made will be wiped away and then some.


Remember how shitty you feel right now.  Talking never makes you feel better, only worse.

Maybe You Should be Happy He Was Braver Than You

"Breakups happen because of personal incompatibility, and because important needs aren't being met over a long period of time."

Remember all the times you thought "is this the happiest I could be? Is this as good as it gets? Are we really meant to be?"


Those thoughts made you nervous because you built your life around him. So instead of examining them you blocked them out of your head, pushed them to the side.


[if only you could use the same mind control to get the thoughts of him out of your head now]


But he evidently had those same thoughts, too.  And he thought about them instead of pushing them aside.  And came to this conclusion.


The conclusion that three days ago felt like the most painful thing in the world.  And today, it still sucks, but a little bit less.  Sure you think about him constantly...but you made it through a 20 minute meeting without thinking about the breakup once.  Soon those minutes will turn into hours, then days, and eventually, he'll pop up just every once in awhile.


Anyway.  The point is that you had the SAME doubts. And as much as you love each other, you just weren't compatible.  And that's ok.  You'll be ok.  And one day, more than ok.


http://lovesagame.com/wp-content/uploads/downloads/7reasons.pdf

You Didn't Want to Introduce Him to Your Family

This sucks to admit.  It sucked when you were dating and it sucks now.  But maybe you need to think about why that was in order to move on.


Yeah, he met your mom and dad.  And they got along fine.  And yes, he met your grandparents - the non-judgmental ones.


But you didn't want to introduce him to the judgmental side of the family.


Why? If you loved him unconditionally and he was the one for you why wouldn't you want them to meet?  Is it because they would criticize and on some level you would know that they were right?


And when you thought about your wedding you wanted it to be small and not invite all the family.  Is that because that's what YOU really want? Or did you know your family wouldn't be 100% behind it?  Did you secretly look at other people getting married (your former boss comes to mind here) and wish that your love story looked like that?


I'm not saying that your family needs to be head over heels for the guy you end up with.  But, you shouldn't care what they think. And you'd be able to convince them otherwise if you really were the real deal. You shouldn't be jealous of other people's relationships because you should KNOW that you wouldn't be happier.

Remember the Moments When You Had Doubts, Too

It wasn't a fairy tale and I have to stop thinking that it was.  I had my doubts, too.  And although I loved him and was happy with him, is that really the happiest I was supposed to be?  In other words, do I believe deep down that that is as good as it gets?  No, I don't. I like to think there is something better out there.


It really hit me when i crosssed the finish line of my half marathon two weeks ago.  The course was packed with people who stood there for a long time just waiting to see their significant other pass by, just for a moment, and to cheer them on.


There were so many significant others waiting there with flowers or hugs for their boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse when they crossed the finish line. But not me, I was all alone.  I went into the expo center after where people were meeting up and I had no one to meet up with.  I stretched quickly, caught my breath, and had to walk back to the car by myself where Ricky was sleeping.


I was talking to my boss the other day who mentioned that his wife is an avid runner, while he is not.  He is there at the starting line for her.  Don't I deserve the same?

Make a List of the Things You Didn't Like About Him

1. Didn't want to support my road races
2. Didn't want to come to important dr appointments
3. Unwilling to get to know coworkers
4. Didn't like to read
5. Not active
6. Didn't keep up with current events/politics


Keep adding to the list when you remember things. Next time don't settle for someone who doesn't have these things that are important to you.